A New Use for A-1

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It’s happened to us all. At first you deny it, tell yourself it was just gas or something. Then it happens again, and again, and you can’t deny it anymore. You have the hiccups!

After a particularly annoying bout of hiccups I became desperate. My husband ran through his normal list of cures – “What’s your middle name?” and “Spell my middle name backward.” I ran through the standards like holding my breath, swallowing really fast over and over, and I even tried drinking eggnog. Nothing was working, and I was quickly slipping from the realm of sanity into what can only be described as mental hospital that surely resides in Hell.

Desperation taking over, I decided to do a Google search for “how to get rid of hiccups”. Howtogetridofstuff.com was the top search result, and being satisfied with that I clicked it and read down the list. It has some standard suggestions, most of which I had already tried. And then I came to a doozy:

Think of the ugliest person you’ve ever seen. Now picture them naked, rolling naked down a hill or riding a bike and slathered in A-1 steak sauce.

Say what!?

Well, I had to try it, right? And after all that, the holding my breath, the spelling names backward… thinking of a naked man rolling down a hill covered in steak sauce actually cured my hiccups! Well, they say you learn something new everyday…

The Horror! The Horror!

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I’m sitting here in a post-turkey haze casually perusing Black Friday ads on the internet. I’m not expecting to find anything much, but my husband mentioned a thing or two here and there. I think to myself “No biggie to just check em out ole chap!” (Why I’m calling myself ole chap is beyond me.) And suddenly, I saw that things were 30-50% off and I JUST HAD TO HAVE THEM!

I don’t know what happened to me. One second I was normal me (normal is a strong word probably…) And the next I was some crazed rabid insane person freaking out over things that are on sale. I mean, it got bad. I’d have 4 sites up comparing prices, and then find something else I’d want on one of the sites and compare prices and find more things and compare prices and before I knew it I was processing simultaneous checkouts from about 3 different websites.

One site, which will remain unnamed because I don’t want my husband to know what I bought crashed about 1224080273 times. I still haven’t managed to make my purchase. After about an hour headache I gave up, then came back to it and made it to the check out only for the site to crash! I’m losing my mind over here! I…MUST…HAVE…THIS…DEAL!

Ok this is getting sad, no joke. I like saving a buck just as much as the next person but why does it have to be insane like this? My stomach is literally in knots, I have stressed myself out over this insanity! Last week I was at the store and this man was looking for a particular doll, and he found one but it was blue and his daughter just had to have pink. The look in his eyes was just sad, he knew his life was over if he went home with a blue doll instead of a pink one. Finally a clerk helped him find a pink doll and just the relief that washed over that poor man was palpable! Poor guy.

I’ve never been one for Black Friday, and I’m not sure why this year turned me into a rabid dog. I blame Voldemort. This is his doing, right?

What I’m Thankful For

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Well, it’s Thanksgiving day here in good ol’ U.S. of A. I suppose that’s my cue to think about what I’m thankful for. Well, I’ll tell ya.

1. I’m thankful for my cat Mr. Rusty Britches Scamper Pant’s nose. It’s so cute, I just love poking him in the nose!

2. Candy Cane Hershey Kisses – I mean seriously, can I marry these things? Is that a thing that can be made legal just for me?

3. DVR. Why did it take us so long to invent this thing? It’s the best thing ever, I can record hours of shows that my husband hates and then watch them when he’s not looking – this thing has to be saving marriages around the world!

4. Cousin Willie’s White Cheddar Popcorn. One word – Mmmmmmm.

5. Matthew Bellamy. One word – Mmmmmmm.

6. Student loan forbearance. It keeps me from thinking like an adult too much, thus preventing crows feet, thus keeping me from having to buy some sort of expensive facial cream, thus allowing me to save up more money to pay back that pesky student loan! Its practically the circle of life.

7. Pumpkin Pie Latte. You know what, make that pumpkin pie flavored anything. Why can’t we eat pumpkin pie all year?  Harry Potter can drink pumpkin juice whenever he wants to, why can’t I? (Nevermind the fact that that really does sound disgusting… shhhhh)

8. Peppermint Mocha coffee creamer. Again, I’d drink this year round, why do we only have it at Christmas?

9. Comedy Central bringing Futurama back. They can bite Bender’s shiny metal ass if they try to cancel it again!

10. The Snooze Button. Enough said.

11. Sierra Mist Cranberry – another “why can’t we have this all  year long?” It’s the best thing since sliced bread!

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving day!

NaNo Shall Live Another Day… Just Not Today

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Sigh……

I hate to admit it to the world but I’ve given up on this years NaNoWriMo novel. It’s an idea that has been eating at my brain for months, and I’m sure it will be with me for a long time, but I’m just having so many issues with the execution of this novel that I end up stuck and frustrated with my characters. I’ve swapped perspectives about four times, and now basically just have a big mess on my hands.

I’m not giving up on my story, by any means. I still intend this to be a novel, I’m just going to be a wuss about it and work on it while I’m not pressured and frustrated with every character I have. I also ended up with too many characters… about eight of them who ran off with each other to live in the wild, always stuck with each other and talking to each other and giving me a headache with their constant yapping and whining.  You’d think being their creator I’d have more control on their yapping. Oh yeah… I did shoot one and knock one up so she ran away!

But, in an attempt to not be completely lame, I’ve began reading my novel from last year, and knocking around some ideas to polish it up. My  husband has suggested I break it down into a few novellas, probably around 100 pages or so. Kudos to husband for always thinking up good ideas for me!

It’s an as of yet untitled story probably intended for the 8-12 year age group. It’s about a young boy named David, who’s father happens to be completely evil. David doesn’t quite understand his father, or agree with the way he does things. The problem is that David is sent to school to specifically take over his father’s role when he’s old enough. The story is full of fun things like a super paranoid friend, a magic horse, a nice king, a box of fire and a girlfriend who happens to be a troll.

I think it would be great to get the novel (or short novella if I go that route) finished for my 7 year old sister to read it while she’s still around this age. She loves reading as much as I do and it would be great to have her as my critic! She certainly isn’t shy to criticize me…

Rejection

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Well, I received my first ever rejection letter in the mail! Is this a weird thing to be excited about? Probably, but the simple fact that I actually mailed off a script after years and years of saying “someday” I will, sort of feels like a win to me anyway. Plus getting a letter from Nickelodeon  — AWESOME!

My husband and I collaborated on our first spec script – Spongebob Squarepants – back in January or February for the Nickelodeon Writing Fellowship. We knew it was a crapshoot, they only take 2-4 people a year for crying out loud. But we learned we actually work pretty well together, and since then have written 4 more short scripts, with plans of many more in the years to come I’m sure.

Still, it would have been completely amazing to work at Nickelodeon for a year, learning the ins and outs of working at a network television station. I learned after we submitted our piece for Spongebob, that they actually prefer scripts from sitcoms – The Office, Parks and Recreation, etc. so for next year we will submit a comedy. As it turns out there are a lot of network television stations that have similar fellowships, and we have plans to submit to them all.

I guess we never know if we don’t try, and I think that is probably the most important thing to remember – not trying at all is a failure in itself.

My Toes are Cold*

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I have a 7 year old sister. I was about two weeks from my 20th birthday when she was born. Out of the house, living in the dorms and on my own. It’s kind of strange to have a sister so much younger than I am, but at the same time, it’s so normal. I can’t imagine life without her.

I love hanging out with her, almost more than anything. I get to see her on most Saturday’s, and often it’s the highlight of my week. It’s so much fun watching her grow, learn, and develop her own quirky personality. She reminds me a lot of myself.  I’m often accused of being about 8 years old, mentally. I mean, I work 40 hours a week, I pay my taxes, balance the bank – put off folding laundry at all costs…all those other boring adult things. But on the inside, I’m a freaking kid. The funny thing is, when I WAS a kid, I was always thinking like an adult. Maybe I’m like some odd version of Benjamin Button.

Anywho, she expressed interest in seeing the new Twilight movie Breaking Dawn, and my immediate reaction was no. Then I started thinking about all the things I watched when I was her age. A Nightmare on Elm Street, Night of the Living Dead, IT, Pet Semetary, Tales from the Crypt (notice a trend?) – all things  kid should probably never watch. I loved those movies, and I’d say they might even be one of the reasons I wanted to study film when I grew up. To this day A Nightmare on Elm Street is one of my favorite movies of all time. I remember the first time I watched it, and I know I had to have been around 7 because I was enough of a fan to want to watch Freddy’s Dead which came out in 1991 when I was 7 – and you better believe I went to the theater to watch that!

The thing is, people today freak out so much about what their kids are watching. And yes, to an extent there is a reason to freak out. But I was watching these horrible scary, gory, bloody, things when my brain still hadn’t cooled, and I turned out OK. (Ok, that is debatable) But the honest truth is I was never violent, I have never done drugs, I didn’t even kiss anyone until I was in college…

I don’t know, I guess my whole point was maybe we shouldn’t hover over kids so much and freak out over every little detail, let them breathe, they might just surprise you with how much they can actually think on their own… or maybe I’m way off the mark because I don’t even have kids of my own. Oh well, either way, one, two, Freddy’s coming for you. Whatever you do, don’t fall asleep!

*Yeah that title had nothing to do with anything, did it…

Side Goggled Sticker Bush

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Ok, so I didn’t really want to dedicate ANOTHER post to NaNoWriMo today — but honestly this is pretty much all that is on my mind. Well, that and the fact that I just realized next week is Thanksgiving, and I’m really enjoying this Foo Fighter’s CD right now, and I really want to live at Hogwarts and eat in the dining hall and sing in Flitwick’s choir (movies only, that didn’t happen in the book…) and I really wish I was friends with Neville Longbottom because he’s so cool!

Wow I sound like a crazy person.

Honestly the only thing I wanted to share with the world is that after switching BACK to 1st person narritive, I managed to write over 3,000 words today for my NaNo novel. So maybe things are looking up for ole’ crazy here.

In other news, my husband doesn’t understand a word I say! I’m always saying things which he doesn’t understand. He was born in Boston, I was born in the back holler* of Kentucky. Well, being born and raised in Kentucky apparently comes with some fun phrases that are lost on my Bostonian husband.  Here are two that I have recently had to explain to him:

1. Sticker-bush

Used in a sentence: “There is a sticker from the sticker-bush stuck to my pants.”

What I actually mean: “There is a briar from the briar-bush  stuck to my pants.”

2. Side goggled

Used in a sentence: “My glasses are all side goggled.”

What I actually mean: “My glasses are askew.”

This brings me to another point… he’s always making fun of the way I say certain words. The word theater to me comes out “Thee-ay-terr” (gotta have the extra “r” sound!). The word coupon for me is “queue-pawn”, and of course to him it is “coo-pawn”. So he’s always poking fun at me for these things!

Ok that’s a lot of rambling for one day. I need to sleep, the sun will be up soon…

 

 

 

*I never use the word “holler” in my day to day life. I have, however, been known to whip out a “woller” or two.