Get Off My Lawn!

I love going out with my husband – to dinner, to the coffee shop, to the movies, even to the grocery store. I don’t really care what it is we are doing, I always enjoy it.

Until the teenagers show up. Now now, I know, a lot of teenagers are OK. And sure I’m not that old, and was once a teenager myself so I have to understand where they are coming from, right? No, no. I do not understand or empathize with these miscreants.

It was a very pleasant night out tonight, around 70 degrees or so. We sat outside our favorite coffee shop, pleasantly minding our own business when these two boys decide to ruin the collective IQ around them just by existing. One of them exclaimed something like “I wouldn’t be smoking if I had some chaw”. (Chaw is chewing tobacco, yum…) Yeah you’re real cool smoking and chewing, the ladies must just eat you up!

Fine, whatever, smoke your cigarettes so the girls will swoon over you. But then they sat at one of the metal tables with the holes in it… you know like this:

This boy proceeded to smoke (like a champ) and spit non stop THROUGH the holes in the table. It was literally every second, smoke, spit, smoke, spit, speak, spit, spit, spit, smoke, spit, speak, spit. Spit. Spit. Spit. It was disgusting.

He tried to impress the girls behind him by talking about how some particular girl that I assume they all knew tried to “f*** him”, and then he smoked and spat some more. Thankfully the girls had enough intelligence not to fall for the idiot.

I wanted to stalk the boy until his mommy picked him up just so I could yell at her for letting him out into society, dumbing down the world around him one breath at a time.

I’m starting to feel old. GET OFF MY DAMN LAWN!


8 thoughts on “Get Off My Lawn!

  1. Fun stuff. I live in South Korea, where spitting in public is widely accepted. People spit everywhere – my students at school even spit on the floor of the classroom and it’s considered okay. Anyways, it’s freaking disgusting. Maybe the dude in your story should consider moving here.

    • Oh my gosh I can’t imagine that! I never knew that it was considered OK to spit anywhere – and I can’t imagine having to go around cleaning all that spit up! blech

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