Insane People: Part 1

Me: Thank you for calling *Name of company omitted so I’m not destroyed by the wrath of HQ*, my name is Laura, may I please have the phone number associated with the account?

Customer: *In a super fast manner that not even the Flash could decipher* 123456789 OR it could be 987654321 (Actual phone number may vary)

Me: I’m sorry, could you please say the first number again, I don’t think I got it all.

Customer: *In a super slow, super loud, super exasperated tone* 1….2…..3……4…….5…..6 SIGH 7…..8…..9…..

Me: Thank you, what can I do for you tonight?

Customer: I can’t connect to the internet.

Me: I’m so sorry that you are having trouble, would you be able to please unplug the modem for me?

Customer: *Yelling* I have to put the phone down.

Me: Ok.

Customer *Walks away* *Picks the phone back up* I can’t find the plug what is it? (I describe the plug) *Walks away* *Picks phone back up* I still can’t find the plug…. (this went on 2 – 3 more times.)

Call was disconnected.

I call them back. Husband Answers.

Husband: Ok I unplugged it and it still won’t connect.

Call was disconnected.

I call them back. Husband Answers.

Me: Ok I’m sorry about that, could you make sure the cords are tight?

Call was disconnected.

I call them back. Customer answers.

Me: Hello, I’m sorry that the call was disconnected.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Me: Hello, are you able to hear me?

Customer: YES I CAN HEAR YOU, YES I CAN HEAR YOU. I CAN HEAR YOU. I CAN HEAR YOU SPEAK I CAN HEAR YOU. I CANΒ  HEAR YOU YES YOU HAVE GOT TO SPEAK I CAN HEAR YOU I CAN HEAR YOU I CAN HEAR YOU I CAN HEAR YOU I CAN HEAR YOU I CAN HEAR YOU I CAN HEAR YOU FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SPEAK I CAN HEAR YOU.

(It’s kind of hard to speak with you yelling… but I didn’t say that)

Me: Ok it looks like we need to set up for a tech to come to your house and take a look at your equipment.

Customer: GET ME YOUR SUPERVISOR.

Me: I am the supervisor.

Customer: I DON’T CARE GET ME WHOEVER IS ABOVE YOU.

 

….Okie Dokie….

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17 thoughts on “Insane People: Part 1

  1. How do you do that and not go insane…oh right, you’re a writer. You must turn them into characters that end up in fiery train wrecks or are bludgeoned with socks filled with frozen butter.

    πŸ™‚

    • People get so insanely crazy and emotional about their internet service… it’s like all rational thought goes out the door. Have you seen the movie “Falling Down” (if not here is the IMDb synopsis “An unemployed defense worker frustrated with the various flaws he sees in society, begins to psychotically and violently lash out against them.”) Sometimes I feel that way about the folks I have to talk to LOL! Not LITERALLY, of course.

  2. Ouch! LOL at those times we must chant: “I love my job, I love my job” lol and then go mute so the customer doesn’t hear us laughing at them, people are so stupid it is really funny.

  3. Pingback: Insane People: Part 2 « Cheesecake Summer

  4. Pingback: Insane People: Part 3 « Cheesecake Summer

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