The Ghetto-Adjacent

My husband and I live in the ghetto-adjacent, as he likes to call it. Now I know in the grand scheme of the world, our little neighborhood isn’t the ghetto in terms of inner city ghetto. But for small town Kentucky… it’s a bit rough. Well, the street we are adjacent to, that is. Our street is a bit hit or miss.

This is what the ghetto-adjacent looks like through a mound of snow!

The walls in our apartment are paper thin. The neighbor is cussing out is dog? I can hear it. Burps. Hear it. Yelling at the game. Check. Due to these thin walls…and the nature of our neighborhood, my husband and I have had our fair share of interesting neighbors in the uh… 7 or 8 years we’ve live here? I can’t even remember. We don’t get to know our neighbors, mostly because we are terrified of them. So we just came up with descriptions and nicknames for them all.

1. Pukey and Allergy Boy: We named them this because we could hear the woman puking all the time, and one time we heard her say that the guy was allergic to chicken. They were fairly inoffensive as neighbors, but they were our first here.

2. Victory Man and Victory Minion who lived in Victory Manor (aka the apartment next door): Two men sharing the apartment next door. We named them this because they seemed to find everything victorious! The game. VICTORY. Using the toilet. VICTORY! We’d hear them slamming the toilet seat down, and yelling what surely was a victory call.

3. The Polygamist: No explanation needed.

4. The crack dealer in #1: Same

5. The Cable-Stealing Mullet-Man and Baby-Stealing Stripper: Just like it sounds.

6. The guy who’s wife threw his head through the wall, who in turn threw his brother’s head through the wall. They all got arrested. The pregnant wife was arrested for something heroin related. They loved Nickelback. And the crappy Limp Bizkit version of “Behind Blue Eyes.”

7. Corey: We only know his name because he came by bumming pop and cigarettes all the time. He cried a lot. I think his girlfriend or whatever she was got knocked up by another dude. He found this out on Thanksgiving. It was a loud Thanksgiving. He threw an ashtray full of ashes at our door… I don’t know why.

8. The crazy lady who had 4 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment and her abusive baby-daddy. She’s pregnant again. Thankfully, they just moved out. They were loud. I onceΒ  had my mom on the phone and held my phone up in the air asking if she could hear them…she could.


11 thoughts on “The Ghetto-Adjacent

    • I’ve thought about it 100 times, my husband doesn’t want to move though. bleh! The rent is really affordable though so we brave it out.

  1. Still, at least you’re gonna go and get yourself one of them there fancy college degrees and then you’ll be able to move to some real nice place where the neighbors will bring round a basket of muffins to welcome y’all to the neighborhood. (How was that for a Brit attempting to do a Kentucky accent in written form?).

  2. OMG, what experiences for your writing! I love nicknaming the neighbors. My last apartment shared a wall with an apartment inhabited by 5-7 guys who nicknamed their wireless “Pimpin Palace.” They partied til all hours, always had bizarre people in the hallway and loved to throw things at the wall at 3 am. πŸ™‚

    • Oh jeeze the throwing things at the wall would drive me insane. Prego and her brood of 4 used to do that too, I don’t know what it was about the wall that her and her kids couldn’t keep from knocking into it or something. We stopped putting our clock and paintings up because they’d knock them off all the time.

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