The Ghetto-Adjacent


My husband and I live in the ghetto-adjacent, as he likes to call it. Now I know in the grand scheme of the world, our little neighborhood isn’t the ghetto in terms of inner city ghetto. But for small town Kentucky… it’s a bit rough. Well, the street we are adjacent to, that is. Our street is a bit hit or miss.

This is what the ghetto-adjacent looks like through a mound of snow!

The walls in our apartment are paper thin. The neighbor is cussing out is dog? I can hear it. Burps. Hear it. Yelling at the game. Check. Due to these thin walls…and the nature of our neighborhood, my husband and I have had our fair share of interesting neighbors in the uh… 7 or 8 years we’ve live here? I can’t even remember. We don’t get to know our neighbors, mostly because we are terrified of them. So we just came up with descriptions and nicknames for them all.

1. Pukey and Allergy Boy: We named them this because we could hear the woman puking all the time, and one time we heard her say that the guy was allergic to chicken. They were fairly inoffensive as neighbors, but they were our first here.

2. Victory Man and Victory Minion who lived in Victory Manor (aka the apartment next door): Two men sharing the apartment next door. We named them this because they seemed to find everything victorious! The game. VICTORY. Using the toilet. VICTORY! We’d hear them slamming the toilet seat down, and yelling what surely was a victory call.

3. The Polygamist: No explanation needed.

4. The crack dealer in #1: Same

5. The Cable-Stealing Mullet-Man and Baby-Stealing Stripper: Just like it sounds.

6. The guy who’s wife threw his head through the wall, who in turn threw his brother’s head through the wall. They all got arrested. The pregnant wife was arrested for something heroin related. They loved Nickelback. And the crappy Limp Bizkit version of “Behind Blue Eyes.”

7. Corey: We only know his name because he came by bumming pop and cigarettes all the time. He cried a lot. I think his girlfriend or whatever she was got knocked up by another dude. He found this out on Thanksgiving. It was a loud Thanksgiving. He threw an ashtray full of ashes at our door… I don’t know why.

8. The crazy lady who had 4 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment and her abusive baby-daddy. She’s pregnant again. Thankfully, they just moved out. They were loud. I once  had my mom on the phone and held my phone up in the air asking if she could hear them…she could.