Seriously…I’m Kidding

8

Sunday I finished reading Seriously…I’m Kidding by my BFF Ellen DeGeneres. That leaves me today and tomorrow to read one more book in order to have read 10 books this month! *Runs off to find a Dick and Jane book* Phew, I’m back.  I got this guys, I got this.

I love Ellen, so much. I watch her show like it’s a religion. I own box sets of her sitcoms, I own her books, and every day when I step out of my shower I wipe my feet on her face! (Well, my shower mat is Nemo and Dory from Finding Nemo). She’s so funny! I love reading her books too, because it sounds like what the inside of my head sounds like.

Here’s the description from Amazon.com:

I’ve experienced a lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you’ll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I’ve put together for you in this book. I think you’ll find I’ve left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I’m saying is, let us begin, shall we?
– Ellen DeGeneres
Mostly, it’s like 241 pages of delicious creamy monologue from her show. Well, maybe creamy isn’t the right word, that makes it sound kind of gross. Anyway, you get the point.
Here are a couple of my favorite excerpts:
Way, way back in the day, like in the 1990’s, if you wanted to tell everyone that you ate waffles for breakfast, you couldn’t just go on the Internet and tweet it out. There was only one way to do it. You had to go outside and scream at the top of your lungs, “I ate waffles for breakfast!” That’s why so many people ended up in institutions. They seemed crazy, but when you think about it, they were just ahead of their time.
And:
There’s a very easy way to save water. Take group showers. It’s fun. It’s friendly. At first, my house-keepers were resistant to this idea. But luckily my landscaper talked them into it.
– Ellen DeGeneres
Oh that Ellen, she does go on, and on, and on… she’s so funny! I mean, it’s no wonder she’s my BFF for life! If only we could meet, so I could let her know about us being BFF. I’m sure she’d see it too, that we were separated at birth or something. Nevermind she’s older than my mom, that doesn’t matter. Pfft. Logistics and stuff, I ain’t about being logical!
…Maybe I shouldn’t have tried writing when I’m sick and surely under the influence of NyQuil. That stuff will whack a girl up – yo. Oh yeah I was talking about Ellen. This book is full of useful stuff, like how to save water, short short stories, haiku, practically anything you’d want to read while imagining Ellen’s voice the whole time. And if you get tired of reading, you can just turn to the front cover and get lost in her Cover Girl blue eyes. Such….pretty………eyes.
Ok I’m going to bed. Read Ellen’s book!

Dear Ellen

6

Dear Ellen DeGeneres,

I have decided I want to be your friend. I know that is just the most ridiculous thing, because how could I want to be friends with a celebrity. I don’t really KNOW you or anything. But, I have read your book “The Funny Thing Is…” and it is hilarious. As I was reading it I thought to myself, “This is someone I need to be friends with.” On your show you always seem SO happy and carefree. I find myself bursting out into random song and dance (with the curtains pulled very very tight might I add…) and always think of you when I do.  I think if more people in this world had friends like you, it would be a much happier place! People would smile and dance around more. Maybe they’d stop being such sour-pusses.

I know this is really random. I get random thoughts a lot. I think I make my husband tired with all my random thoughts. You know, like I want to write a novel, and I want to go to the moon, and I want to make a movie, and I want to fly to India, and I want  to do this that or the other all in the span of about 2 3/4 minutes. It makes him tired. But I’ve kept the idea that I want Ellen DeGeneres to be my friend for longer than 2 3/4 minutes and I haven’t made my husband sigh when I say “I want to be Ellen DeGeneres’s friend”, so I know this is a good plan to follow through on.

In closing, I want you to know I’m a pretty average person. I don’t do much in my day to day life. I have the whole “9 to 5” thing going on (except its more like 6 p.m. – 3 am. but same basic principle). I’m in college for film editing – and have been since about 2002(well, I’m having financial aid issues at the moment so have stopped this semester and last semester but in the fall I will go back and finish 6 classes to have an AA in screenwriting and BA in film editing), married with 4 cats, tiny apartment, 2 sisters – one of which is twenty years younger than I am, no felonies, I never got in trouble in school except one time I was late to class one too many times and got a detention for that, I make a REALLY GOOD chocolate pie and chocolate peanut butter fudge, I love chocolate just like my grandfather, who I call Daddaddy, I love cartoons and mexican food. So, these are the things I would bring to the friendship.

Your Friend,

Laura

*LOL I wrote this in January and just stumbled on it.