Game Over Man, Game Over!

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Ok Ghouls and Goblins. I’m back for another round of my favorite horror films.

Previously I talked about my favorite childhood horror films – which are still favorite films into my adulthood. But now that I’m “grown-up” I’ve discovered a new set of hauntingly good horror.

I can’t choose an order, though, so without further ado here are my favorite horror films.

Hellraiser

This movie is based on Clive Barker’s novella The Hellbound Heart – which is a must read for any fan of horror. Pinhead is probably the most terrifying franchise movie villain to me (you know, out of Jason, Freddy, Chucky, etc..)

The Devil’s Rejects

This Rob Zombie flick is probably one of my favorite movies ever, horror or otherwise. The main characters have no redeeming qualities about them, and the ending is just epic. If you want to see the ending – go here. It is probably in my top 5 favorite movie endings of all time.

Cabin in the Woods

This is, of course, a newer film by Joss Whedon. I love it because Thor is in it, I mean Chris Hemsworth…I mean that’s not why I love it, it’s a great story! It looks like the standard dumb teenagers go camping movie, but it’s definitely got some interesting twists!

Saw

What I love about Saw is the fact that it was almost never-ending. When I was a kid i loved that there were a ton of Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers, Pinhead, etc films and Saw brought that type of franchise back, and with the exception of a few of those films (the last one.. UGH) they were really good.

Alien/Aliens

I don’t have anything wrong with any of the Alien franchise, but I think the first two are my favorite. I’d even go as far as to say I prefer the second. All because of Bill Paxton. “We’re in some real pretty shit now, man!”

Honestly, it’s hard for me to not like a horror film. I think that’s the good thing about the genre. The ones that are made well are amazing, the ones that flop turn into comedy hour. I find it just as fun to make fun of a bad horror as I do enjoying a good one.

I always find it a little sad when October is over – it does mean loads of turkey around the corner, but the weeks leading up to Halloween are always so much fun. I hope everyone had a great Halloween!

Horrific Life Lessons

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Last night my best friend of 12 years, Monica, and I had a girls night in. These are rare, as she is proud single mom to a 2-year-old and a 5-year-old. She’s definitely that one person that I can sit in a room and not speak for an hour and never feel uncomfortable – you know what I mean? Anyway, yesterday we suddenly found ourselves sans kids and at Wal-Mart at 10 o’clock at night buying toilet paper and coffee – because that’s what people who are 28 going on 80 do on a Saturday night! But honestly, that’s ok with me because the two of us can come up with our own fun – it doesn’t have to be going out to dinner or going to the bar (that was Thursday night!)

Inspiration struck and we found ourselves perusing ye olde RedBox for something…anything! We flipped through the pages to uninspired “Oh I’ve seen that” and “Hmm heard that was alright…” — then we saw our film. The one we knew we’d have the best time watching.

Madison County

Now I’m not going to bash this film for two reasons – 1. I enjoyed the time I had watching the movie. 2. It was sort of apparent that this was a low-budget independent group effort, and I love the people who make low-budget independent group efforts. I hope to be one of “them” someday. It was a little Hills Have Eyes meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre…but from what I can tell the filmmaker was going for that, so kudos to him – he succeeded.

What I am going to do, however, is share with you the list of life lessons Monica and I compiled while watching the characters of this movie.

So without further ado:

Life Lessons Learned from Madison County

1. No matter how bad you have to pee, freaking hold it until you find a gas station. If you legitimately have no other option then you’re driving in the wrong part of the country and will surly end up dead if you exit your car.

2. If you drive through a town that only has 1 gas station/restaurant combo, just keep driving. Hit up the next town and go on with your life.

3. If you and your friends find yourselves outside a creepy house that you had to hop a fence to get to, but no one is home so you decide to go back to “town” to ask more questions… GO AS A GROUP. One person doesn’t need to go back to town alone with the only car, you’re just asking to be murdered!

4. If you are alone in a cemetery and hear someone giggling, DO NOT under any circumstance investigate it. Get the hell out of the cemetery!

5. If you didn’t listen to life lesson 4 (idiot) and find the source of random cemetery giggling to be two scantily clad women who for some reason won’t acknowledge you, even though you keep following them shouting “Hey!!” – DO NOT continue to follow them. It’s a trap, I repeat, it’s a trap!

6. If you’re being a complete idiot and are still following the girls giggling in the cemetery and you find that they’ve jumped into a lake with their tops off, DO NOT join them — again, it’s a trap and you WILL be murdered.

7. If you’re in a creepy area and one of your friends wandered off like an idiot and you start to wonder about his whereabouts, just stick together as a group if you decide to go looking, DO NOT break off into subgroups.

8. If you’re with one other person and suddenly decide something is very important at the road that you need to run off and resolve, DO NOT leave that person alone, just take them with you. If you’re alone in the creepy country town with only one gas station/restaurant combo being ran by a creepy old lady, then you’re just asking to be murdered!!

9. If your friend sacrifices him or herself for you because there is a bad guy right behind you – DO NOT just continue to sit there crying like a tool. Either A. Go help your friend who now has the bad guy after them, or B. Run away to get help.

10. If your friend is murdered by some crazed killer mere feet from you, when the bad guy decides to wander off DO NOT go investigate your friend. RUN AWAY. They are dead, there’s nothing you can do now except get your ass out of there.

11. If you and a friend are being stalked down by a killer, do not hobble off holding onto each other. You’re not injured right now but you WILL be if you continue to hinder fast movement by hugging and walking at the same time. It’s idiotic. Get your ass in gear and MOVE!

12. If you find yourself with the upper hand against a crazed killer, DO NOT hit him once and then run. In a situation like this just think of the killer as a zombie or a vampire, they aren’t dead until their head has been chopped off!

13. If you didn’t listen to life lesson 12 and only hit the killer once and ran, then listen to life lesson 13 for crying out loud! If the bad guy is after you again because you were an idiot the first go around, and you manage to knock him or her down for a second time, for the love of all that is good in this world MAKE SURE THE MONSTER IS DEAD!

There you have it, life lessons all should live by. If you don’t, then you deserve to die!

Movie Confessions Blogathon

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I read this post over at the awesome Kloipy Speaks who found it from someone who found it from someone who found it from someone who found it on myfilmviews.com. And thus, after much begetting, I have now decided to take it upon myself to join in the fun.

Which classic movie don’t you like/can’t enjoy and why?

Apocalypse Now. Maybe I need to give this movie another go. There was this one time in between my junior and senior year of high school, where we had to read Beowulf, and it pissed me off! How dare they assign homework over summer vacation! I begrudgingly read the darn thing, hating every word of it. Two years later during my sophomore year of college, we had to read Beowulf. I don’t know if it was the fact that I’d matured a little (yeah right) or it wasn’t summer vacation so I was more open to reading confusing texts, whatever it was – I loved it! Beowulf is a freaking awesome story! Anyway, I think that’s similar to what happened with Apocalypse Now. I wasn’t a big fan of the book (and maybe I should give it another go, I may love it and just not realize it), and so when we had to watch the movie in AP English IV in high school…I just wouldn’t let myself like it.

Which ten classic movies haven’t you seen yet?

I’m sure tons upon tons! It’s hard to think of movies you’ve not seen though… hmm…So I went to Rotten Tomatoes and found a list of 100 greatest classics, and copied the first 10 I came to.

  • Rear Window
  • Dr. Strangelove Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
  • North by Northwest
  • The Third Man
  • All About Eve
  • Laura
  • Modern Times
  • Repulsion
  • Cool Hand Luke (The Gilmore girls would be so dissapointed in me!)
  • Rebecca

Hm… Mom do you have something going on with classic films here? My name is Laura and my 8 year old sister is Rebecca… Is there a classic out there named Kelly?

Have you ever sneaked into another movie at the cinema?

Yes. I don’t remember what we were seeing but I was at the movies with my best friend Monica and I think we weren’t impressed so we went to a different theater that was playing 10 Things I Hate About You. To be fair we did purchase a movie ticket, we just didn’t like the movie we went to see originally.

Which actor/actress do you think is overrated?

Actor: Matthew McConaughey. Does he own a shirt? I know, I know, I’m supposed to be swooning at his feet….but really? Pass.

Actress: Zooey Deschanel. I mean, she’s alright, I don’t hate her. I don’t shoot myself at the site of having to watch a movie with her in it. BUT, she plays the same person every time. Hipster quircky blah blah blah.

From which big director have you never seen any movie (and why)?

Billy Wilder. It’s not like I’m avoiding the films, I just haven’t gotten around to seeing any of them for one reason or another.

Which movie do you love, but is generally hated?

Twilight. Does that count? Don’t judge me!

Have you ever been “one of those annoying people” at the cinema?

I’m sure. When I was a teenager. All teenagers are annoying, yes? Yes. Actually I was an OK teenager, I just had fits of loud uncontrollable giggles.

Did you ever watch a movie, which you knew in advance would be bad, just because of a specific actor/actress was in it? Which one and why?

I was having a hard time thinking of one for this, so I asked my husband because he remembers things about me more than I do. He said we went to see this movie named Twisted in 2004 because Sam Jackson was in it. Now… I don’t remember this at all, so the husband pulls up a trailer for me to watch. I watched the trailer, I still didn’t remember it, and about halfway through I checked out of the trailer because it looked so boring. So, I’m just going to have to trust the hubby on this one that we actually saw this movie. I’m going to say I don’t remember it because it was so boring. It’s either that or I’ve developed dementia early on in life.

Did you ever not watch a specific movie because it had subtitles? 

I won’t if I’ll be laying in bed while I’m watching the movie, unless I know I’ll be awake and able to watch the screen the whole time. I don’t mind subtitles, I just want to actually be able to see them good.

Are there any movies in your collection that you have had for more than five years and never watched?

Ultra Violet. I don’t know why I haven’t watched it. There’s a video store in town that has amazing deals on their rental movies, and they sometimes sell them for $1. So my husband and I end up with tons of movies that sit on the shelf for months or years before we watch them.

Which are the worst movies in your collection and why do you still own them?

Well, we did own this movie called The Edison Death Machine… which is just terrible. It was actually stolen when the ole hubby and I took our honeymoon trip to Vegas two summers ago. We were robbed, but had it not been for that we’d still own the movie. You know, I love me a good cheesy B-movie made on a dime budget, but that movie is just…terrible. There is no other word other than terrible. I hope whoever stole it was forced to watch it and nothing else for a week straight. That might make up for the Play Station 3  they got!

Do you have any confessions about your movie watching setup at home?

Nothing strange here. If we’re in the living room we watch on the TV with either the XBox or the PS3. If we are in the bedroom we watch movies off the iMac, mostly from Netflix.

Any other confessions you want to make?

I watched things at the age of 6 that no 6 year old should ever be watching. Freddy Krueger, Night of the Living Dead, Tales From the Crypt

Oh, I have a confession. I hated Harry Potter before I saw it. I was a full on hater drinking on my hateraide. Then…I watched it. And I dumped all my hateraide down the toilet and begged the Wizengamot to forgive me! They did, luckily, and so Neville Longbottom and I live happily ever after.

The god of my Heart

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Um…hi? *knock knock knock* Is this thing on?

So I’ve been silent for about a month now, I wanted to apologize for that. I know it’s in bad blogger form. My husband keeps telling me I “need to cheesecake”, and I know  he’s right. He goes about a month in between posts though, so I don’t know who he thinks he is telling me I need better blogger form. Harumph!

What’s been going on in my life for the past month that merits a chuckle-worthy blog post you ask? Not a whole lot really, hence the silence. I don’t know, I’ve not been particularly amused or horrified of anything lately.

But what I have found…is a new husband! Yep that’s right you heard it here first folks, in a month’s time I’ve divorced Woo and hitched up with a new man.

He’s a pretty powerful guy. Actually, he wants to rule the world, and how could a girl not love that. He’s got these awesomely beautiful blue eyes and a really cool staff. Not like he employes a staff, but  you know… a big stick thingy? Oh and his smile is absolutely swoon-worthy.

I know I’ve found my mate for life. Dear readers, I must admit I’m one happy girl to have found this love.

I’ve got a few of the wedding pics back, and I thought I’d share them here with you all.

Just mere moments after the big “I do”, isn’t he a dream boat?

I know he’s thinking “I couldn’t be happier…except if my plot to rule Earth had actually gone as planned.”

Unfortunately, my husband’s brother Thor has taken him back to Asgard because he’s a “bad guy”. Gah my brother-in-law can be such a hot head! I mean, Thor went all crashing into Jotunheim and pissing off a bunch of frost giants and putting the welfare of Asgard in danger. But nooooooo everyone’s all “Thor’s the greatest look at his awesome blonde locks he can do no harm..” yadda yadda, bull crap I say.

My husband Loki is just misunderstood. I mean, as a baby he was torn from his birth father and raised next to the mighty Thor, but had no hope of ever becoming the King of Asgard. So he may be a little mischievous… everyone wants to have a little fun now and then, do they not?

Ah Loki, I dream of the day you’ll be back in my arms again…

How could a girl not fall for a man with such an awesome helmet?

Thank You For Making Me Feel Old!

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There’s just something about the American Reunion movie coming out that depresses me. I haven’t even decided if I’ll go watch it or not.

I was born in the mid-80’s, but am mostly a product of the 90’s. What a weird time the 90’s were too… but when I was a sophomore in high school this movie American Pie came out, and boy was it funny! (To me and my peers at least) Sure, it was stupid as hell. Nothing but sex jokes, but hey what do teenagers find more hilarious than sex jokes? It wasn’t going to go on to win any major awards or anything, but it gave us something to laugh at.

This month is my 10 year high school reunion, and American Pie comes back to us in the form of American Reunion. What happened to us all these last 10 years? Out of my little circle of friends we have 2 marriages going strong, 1 divorced, and two of them with kids. We have student loan debt, still haven’t found our dream jobs, homes or cars. Some of (actually, ALL of us) are still in pursuit of that blasted degree. We have lost parents and grandparents and in-laws. We have grown apart from each other, but we intend to rectify that in a few weeks.

We will not be going to our high school reunion.

It’s funny what life was like when I was a teenager, and thinking back to it. The late 90’s and the early 2000’s.

Here I am today – and I don’t feel like the same person. I look back to my teen years and it feels like I’m watching someone else’s life, not mine. Why is that? Does that happen to everyone else? I feel like I’ve put up a barrier between my current life and my past life, and I don’t know why. I wasn’t a bad kid, and life was like it was for everyone in my town – momma’s poor and daddy ain’t around. But she fed us, and I got good grades and I never got in trouble and I had great friends, and I was happy. Why does it feel like that was someone else’s life now?

That’s weird.

Ok, so too much contemplation for one day. Thank you American Reunion for making me feel old!

The Woman in Black

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Holy cornballs of terror!

But first, a conversation I had with the popcorn guy at the theater.

Him: Where’s the man you’re usually with?
Me: Somewhere back there (pointing to the pop fountain).
Him: How long have you been together?
Me: I dunno 9 years? 8 years? A while I can’t remember.
Him: So, are you married, or is he your boyfriend.
Me: (Holding up my left hand and pointing to the wedding ring) Married………………………
Him: I see, how did he propose?
Me: Well, uh, we were sitting there one day and he looked over at me and said hey would you marry me? Kinda random.
Him: Aw wow that is really romantic actually.
(Husband finally makes his way to the counter, oh thank dear goodness. We walk away.)
Husband: That guy totally wants to bone you.

How romantic.

Anyhow, we make our way into the movie and it begins. I spent about the first half of the movie annoying my husband with things like –

“Don’t be scared Harry, you’ve taken down Voldemort, you got this!”

“He’s so brave because he’s a Gryffindor.”

“Oh look it’s the Hogwart’s Express!”

“Just get your wand out Harry!”

Then I finally shut up with the Harry Potter jokes (ok, maybe not…. ) and paid attention to the movie. Which was really great.

Harry Potter, I mean Daniel Radcliffe, plays a lawyer who’s sent to sort through the final affairs of woman who’s passed away. But he soon learns that the townsfolk don’t trust him to be there, there are strange deaths revolving around children, and ultimately the house he’s been sent to is haunted by (dun dun dun) the woman in black.

It was really scary. I don’t remember ever actually grabbing onto my husband’s arm and squealing before, but this movie was just so damn scary. The woman in black… oh my gosh she was terrifying. I love horror movies. Hell I remember watching Night of the Living Dead when I was 6, and  A Nightmare on Elm Street when I was 7 – It’s hard to remember being 6 and 7 when you are “pushing thirty” (as my husband loves to point out) but I loved those movies and I remember the first time I watched both of them. I’m just hardly ever scared of scary movies anymore. But this movie had me clinging to my poor husband’s arm until he was begging for his circulation back.

I mean come on, you know a movie is going to be scary when it has creepy looking children in it.

It’s good to see a horror movie that is actually scary, which is  a rare thing these days. I’m pretty sure the woman sitting near my husband was in the fetal position – it was that good.